midnight daydream (preview)
timestamp: 2025-03-20 14:34:04
i keep hidden the part of me that is the most obvious
i couldn't be mr every day
could i have been mr every night?
was i mr always or mr never
all i need is you and a pair of sunglasses
there is no night i do not dream of you
there is no hour that passes
where i do not remember my brain and heart are connected
with a jolt
a jolt of you
relaxes me
i know i clench my jaw in my sleep
but i have jaw clenching dreams
last night was so abstract
an avant guard masterpiece
a two story loft in downtown montreal
but the backyard is hollowell
and the door over there is a night club in dc and it's bass’ bowling alley
we're running the lanes and daydreaming in space
the brain landscapes a place that is all feelings
panicexcitementsadnessjoyrealityrelieftorture
in the morning when i wake and find you next to me
is the only time i fall asleep easily
timestamp: 2025-03-20 14:34:04-2
the living room is an old photography studio with a north facing wall of windows
in the basement of a cabin in millinocket
on a lake
where the bees fly around a crowded cafe
hanging on the water
of a thousand islands
a long canadian highway
with nothing but a radio
and a hand to hold
dreaming it as we lived it
timestamp: 2025-03-20 14:32:49
will you meet me outside?
i was hoping for a poignant moment in the rain
where everything could feel ok
so before we say goodbye
will you meet me outside?
i know we’ve had so many of those before
but it’s st. patrick’s day and it’s raining
and when the pain is hot
sometimes it feels like only the rain could quench it
the only thing i can’t commit to is a life of perfection
but i can always sneak your gifts out of the old soul collective in waterville
we can build a life of magnets on a refrigerator
chaos will always come knocking on our door
it will feel like a pounding in our chest.
music will always be our therapy
and if i’m scaring you then just know
i’m scaring me
life is best when we let go of the terror
the only error of our waves
is when we extend the day
instead of taking our chance
to go home
timestamp: 2025-03-20 14:31:32
morning cuts like a knife
only to find there’s no heart to remind
of the sting of the blade
only memories of falling
and more falling
your body is moved by an unseen force
the strings of your mind are snipped
over coerced
i think of you first
i think of you as the day burns
my eyes are stuck on the door
hoping you will walk in
timestamp: 2025-03-10 00:00:16
midnight daydream
timestamp: 2025-01-27 16:44:46
why can’t it be fun?
it’s so fun when i’m alone
imagining us doing it together
why must i fall apart when the moment comes
no one wants to be the reason you’re unhappy
just a couple of trauma cats
the only way you can endure it
is to remember how many times
you’ve been through this before
when it hits, it’s universal and it’s shrunken
a tiny bubble of all your concealed pain
in charleston, i could take one hit off of j in the morning and be high all day
focused and clear and happy
timestamp: 2024-12-29 10:53:26
sunday morning blues
sun shining through the window as i tie my shoes
snowfalls on the avenue
is there a chance you’re missing me
if i’m missing you?
it's a long ride to washington on the backroads
taking long cuts to avoid the shade
traveling only as the sun goes
timestamp: 2024-12-05 19:18:30
i see a shadow in my reflection
a place beyond introspection
a scream deep in the silence
a silence amidst a roar
when you’re mine
you’re thinking you might lose something
you start to hate that thing as a way to prepare yourself for the loss
but that is worse
because when you lose that thing
not only do you miss it so much it’s painful
when it’s gone you hate yourself forever
for every bad thought you ever thought about it
timestamp: 2025-05-17 16:06:02
trapped in the metaverse
saw my doppelganger in a hearse
he told me i was cursed
do your worst, now that you mention it
i'll smoke a cigarette while our socks sweat
you know i'll share my last cigarette with you
the one we smoke at the end of time
infinite lifetimes, infinite cigarettes (from now)
from now on i'll call you whatever you want
i'll call you whenever you want
i'll pick up when you call no matter
who's around
it doesn't matter who's listening
we're not getting anywhere trying to get even
the sad part is we can't stop laughing
time passes with the clicking of a ball point pen
do you remember when we couldn't stop laughing?
stop laughing.
stop laughing!
you really don't know what it means to be serious
okay, then never stop dreaming
harness the dream laser beam
point it directly at the algorithm
break it wide open, blow it to pieces
what are you waiting for?
timestamp: 2025-06-08 13:34:51
wearing sunday bed head
like a badge of honor
from a busy saturday
i could fix it or i could kiss you all day instead
in the sun, by the river, on the run
in the coffee shop
sometimes we kiss while walking and we don't even stop
sometimes it takes the night away
timestamp: 2025-05-17 16:11:23
could you sit long enough to write a page...?
these moments
are so hard to find
to sit in the chair by the window with peace of mind
not needing to heighten your senses
not needing to unwind
sunday gray in the afternoon skies
why would i ever feel anxious
your laughter echoes through the ceiling
i can't sit for long enough for tea to boil in the pot
as much as i wish all day to sit in one spot
i look for the days where i find joy in motion
why would i ever be worried
the ones that cause us the most fear
are the ones we love the most
the source of panic
the ones we love so much we can't stand it
you call out as the tea kettle sings
almost as if you had planned it
intertwined
hope + fear
are near
dear to me as
you are
i called you just to say
the whole ‘i'm doing okay’ thing?
i don't buy it
you can't bypass this heartbreak
i'd rather have a triple bypass than lose you
i'd rather amputate my heart
when i see you i become time-blind
you look best in 90's poet vibes
everything is seen in digital dreams
somewhere in between we meet in a beautiful reality
i can't believe you went without me
if it makes you feel better
i was only there for 8 seconds
i'm at my best when i can accept it
what the day is
it's getting there that's the hard part
it will tear your morning apart
to quiet the mind
there was a winter in montreal where
your depression was so bad
i could only play jet plane by julia and angus stone
dope lemon before he was dope lemon
only that song, i tried others and you would get pissed and stay in bed longer
shut the door for hours
always looking forward to smoking flowers
and i had to turn it up slowly
he said smell the daises, but really daises don't have much of a smell (scentless)
daisy perfume by mark jacobs would have been cooler
"you drive me crazy, smell the daisy"
we smoke to pause the moment and slow down
laughter is unavoidable, so why try?
these memories, fantasies
it becomes the greatest time-burn
timestamp: 2025-05-19 15:23:13
the peeking rays promised a sunny day
a promise i never should have believed
laying in bed
heading to work and now the sky is
windswept gray
blasted by a gust of magnolia dust
dead pedals
a tornado of torn apart flowers
once again i'm counting the hours
timestamp: 2025-05-12 23:38:21
finally a fully sunny day
an explosion of dandelions in the field
you told me how you feel
honest fears and tears and soft truths
by night we were sprinting in slippers with cameras in hand to catch the moon
all of a sudden we’re falling asleep in summer sheets
fan in the window
timestamp: 2025-06-20 14:40:47
the 9 and i were processing
talking about how he reached all demographics of people
from abbott lab to river rafters
he was the best boss they ever had, the best guide, the best band mate
he existed in all dimensions
if there's a world where i have to live without you
then there's a world without you where i have to imagine myself happy
for you
and us now
i turn to her and her kisses that delete everything
all in on everything
when i swing back to the world with you
nothing but happy
im at the height of a wave
constantly collapsing
everything shifted
now is the time more than ever
to lean into you
who you are
everything you are
everything you've ever done that's make you you
the light, the shadows, the pain, the regret, the joy, the laughter, the triumph
the heartache that takes your breath away, tears choking out with an umph
take it all with you and use it as strength to move forward
why does silence seem to be my only move
so often now
all i want to do is sing
i swear i mean it
i just can't seem to mean it
but i'll think of you and all the times we choked on laughter
timestamp: 2025-06-20 01:37:42
nothing will ever be the same
but that’s okay
because he will be with you always
even in our greatest challenges ahead
we will know his spirit is with us
in heaven
which we know only to be a better place
so only ever picture him smiling
timestamp: 2025-06-26 19:41:06
hello, you’re stuck with me now
do you prefer alliance, fuzzy, or bright up in the clouds?
i would never yawn when you get here
how do i remind myself that i’m still here?
of course, the worst i’ve ever felt was the best moment of my life
riding like a manner is about to be swallowed hole
i wonder if i’m awake
either way, i know i’m dreaming
i don’t know what i’m freaking out about this could all just be nothing
timestamp: 2025-06-28 15:42:45
i've had 10 whiskeys + i'm just
waiting for one of them to kick in
when does it kick in?
what does it look like when it kicks in?
surely if i have enough of the good stuff
i will find a moment of pure bliss
i wish we could have met under different circumstances
there were no chances i didn't take
there was no definition i wouldn't make un-clear
if the rules you adhere to are that dear to you
you should've left after the first drink
it's always worse than you think
i could just walk away and tear my life to pieces
i don't want to look for you between the beatings
of a fucked up heart
we were doomed from the start
i'm in the middle of accepting that all things that are good are good
and all things that are bad are bad
there's no way back
there's no way to make anything last that wasn't meant to last
there's no way to ignore a red flag forever
and not have it come back to bite you in the ass
can you really be with someone?
does anyone who makes you feel good really just personify the part of you
that's good?
timestamp: 2025-06-22 13:11:46
death becomes the most unreal friend
a never ending “where have you been”?
a light on your shoulder
a shadow that leads you out of the darkness
even as you miss someone in every memory
the stronger your love for someone is the deeper they will always live inside your heart
the times that you do not love yourself is when you will see their face the most clearly
they loved you so dearly
that no matter what they did or you did, they only wanted good for you, only good
it was their worst pain to see you sad
so remember
to know the bottom of a bottle is to know blood and vomit
but to pray with the soul of the one you love
is to ride a comet through the stars
you are never alone when you are rafting through the heavens
timestamp: 2025-06-16 14:31:53
i love you so much if you couldn't tell
you're one of my favorite people and
the loss you're feeling, well
i wish i didn't know the feeling so well
a week ago we were together and laughing
and anyone who would listen i would tell
you're a joy machine
one of the happiest faces i've ever seen
now the obscene
time has an unusual ache now
when there are no words
and all the times we fought i think of how i had to take a step back
and just let time do the talking
timestamp: 2025-06-17 18:27:17
i walk around, trying to think
how can i slow this all down?
it feels like there’s nothing - including this next statement -
that will not trigger a fight
or an escalation
but this is still the best i could come up with
driving by the old academy i just had to call you and hear your voice
the feeling of missing people was too intense
i think about brian and i know that his life will never be the same
nothing will ever be the same for him
and the saddest part from now on will be
how bad the joy stings
timestamp: 2025-05-09 19:45:00
he had a dream that his entire life passed him by while he was dreaming
if only someone could remind him
what was he dreaming of in that other life that slipped away ?
timestamp: 2025-05-09 20:13:36
every single thing that ever happened in your life all lead to this moment
there's a guy in the corner holding a laptop up to his ear
like a phone
this is the first time i've been in old town in almost 30 years
i’m 30 years old and in love with random chatter
i used to run a club called pasamaquoddy's
my uncles were all actors
sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone
if they are too fucked up
if you're too fucked up it doesn't matter how much you love someone
timestamp: 2025-06-20 21:28:32
you have to accept that
every day is different
a dynamic challenge every day
somewhere between amateur and master
expert and semipro
me you and bass - let’s host a freedom fest with waluigi
even if you could get to the place, the feeling, the moment
whatever you wanna call it
that one you would wanna feel forever
even in that place came
when you found it
you would wonder what’s next
you’ll never get there and you’re already there
it’s like
i can’t breathe till i smoke
and i smoke all day
i can’t breathe anyway
especially not when i’m alone
timestamp: 2025-05-07 17:31:14
i'll just sit here and get more addicted
timestamp: 2025-05-04 02:17:51
when the sun goes out, we won’t find out for about eight minutes or so
you’ve been gone a few years now and it’s like i don’t even know
timestamp: 2025-04-04 20:27:04
the unbearable hours we’ve spent together
standing waistless
so sore you can feel your heels in your back
under the fluorescent roar of a grocery store
nothing better than a shit stain
screen bled eyes
hair greasy from coffee sweat
i have felt your lonely mess
lonely, burning, desiring for something to make the ache go away
how many times have you tried to leave?
i know you cannot be away from me
timestamp: 2025-02-08 14:31:53
walking on a winter day
holding hands in mittens
the river is metallic blue, sparkling
smitten, kissing in the kitchen
we let the tea pot boil over
i'm too busy kissing your shoulder
timestamp: 2025-06-28 16:10:10
i got excited
when you asked 'can i borrow this'
i wouldn't have caught this
jamming the lights off the ceiling
make it all make sense
no one can
if you want to start a love story
let me know
how do i act normal?
of the tests i've seen this is nothing in comparison
let yourself off the hook for comparing it
what we decide tonight here doesn't need to be permanent
but it does need to be true
when i think of wasted time
i think of missed sunrises
when i go to a bar i go where the side door is
i'm side door guy
they all wear their pain
how many saturdays in the rain
im in the center of my world
what's my plan
to get the feeling in my legs back
she already loves you
you have to love yourself
so easy to kiss you
forget it all like your
favorite flower
was forget me nots
imitations don't exist
but i can feel this
cosmic shift
wait for the ding
in the back
the waiters on his way
over the din of the restaurant
i'll love you all day
sorry that i couldn't kiss
all your problems away
it felt like i could anyway
in the center where all universes converge
i pick the path that leads to you always
i pick the one where we're in love always
i sigh as you breath out
i'd let her break my heart, i say
timestamp: 2025-06-28 14:25:14
the conversation always gets personal when we're talking about how you're not happy with your life
what is that moment when it goes from just getting things off your chest to some sort of major test of us
if the problem is that it's just how i'm wired
why am i over here constantly rewiring myself
i can already tell for the rest of my life
if anyone has a story about you
i'll want to hear it
the force that seeks to suck me away is here to stay
that is why i didn't quit all the times i didn't
it was all about the line we're holding
anyone got another one?
every memory with you was golden
ride the endless wave over the panic
it comes and goes from mild to extreme
mine is always mildly extreme
it's just crazy how much i miss you
same picture, wrong place
hurtling/hurting through space and time
sky broke through the heavens
a rainy day in june
rainbows + heat lightning
behind the clouds you were shining
i'd do anything to bring him back
i'd kill the devil to bring back my friend
leave myself blind
for one more conversation
the force that seeks to sweep me away is never going away
i must fight it, of course, at all costs
no matter which course i plot
no matter which path i take
loneliness is the all consuming force of our love and fear
our love and fear of it send us hurtling toward it
live your best life every day
say i love you to all your boys every time you talk
it's hard to feel bad after a diner chat like that
timestamp: 2025-03-12 23:25:15
the trip began
the painting became his hand
the painting became the man
timestamp: 2025-01-28 21:21:58
don't think about how much of this life you've already wasted
don't you dare think about getting wasted
i know it's time for forgiveness
if i could relinquish all my fabled outcomes
i can't breath air
with these demons i can't outrun
come back
come back to me
it's time for the deep sleep
quit it before the next hit
admit you have a problem
ask for help
before you're begging for forgiveness
i'll forgive you but ask yourself this
would you have forgiven me
timestamp: 2024-12-04 18:54:05
the burn begins within, it rises to the top
the burn does not stop, it can only start
the burn creates the drive, it cannot revive
the burn is how you drown, how you fly
timestamp: 2024-10-18 11:20:44
there will be 300 million people staring at the moon tonight
150,000 pictures posted
and only one person standing by my side in the moonlight
the coldness of a lonely reality can blind you with dark dreams
darker and colder than they need to seem
but more beautiful than a thankless present
every challenge is a chance
timestamp: 2024-10-07 19:46:14
let me catch you just in time to say goodbye, yo
you know i’m worried about you every time you leave my side, love
you’re the apple of my eye sweeter than apple pie though
you said i love you under your breath
i’m just glad i overheard you say it
because before you did it i was about to die young
falling off a cliff as i say i feel like flying
tweaking out inside because i can’t stop time
and i can’t stop trying
smithing up a ring of new beginnings
anything to keep you grinning
a secret brimming to the top of that smile
i love you and i have for a while
the reckless act of new beginnings
forgiving me like there was nothing to be forgiven
sticks and stones do not determine, roll your eyes and overturn me
we’ve been together ever since the first day
the worst way i could imagine going is me giving up and you rehearsing
feeling excited feels like a crime now
i said i love you just in time now
panicking through all my best memories
if heaven sent you
then who
the hell
sent me
timestamp: 2025-06-28 17:46:52
here i am again
crying uncontrollably
which side of the line has a hold of me
the one heading for light or darkness
which side of my mind is showing me
what i see through these eyes
how close am i still to the old me
do my desires dare me to dream
or do my demons embolden me
the day could devour me if i slip on the wrong thought
if i let the wrong tangent go on for too long
quickly we lose the hour
there was a moment today when
i could have stayed right there above everything
floating above concrete buildings with the promises i'm fulfilling
but honesty was what was necessary
could i say the heaviest thing in the lightest way
could i spill the truth instead of babbling to find anything else
left drowning in notes of sour now
at least for another hour
timestamp: 2025-02-06 14:03:56
i don't really know what to say
you never cared anyway
maybe that was just me getting carried away
you'll only go if i don't stay?
if you're not here already
then you're gone anyway
timestamp: 2024-11-11 22:23:02
how many nights can you fall asleep with a dream burning inside your heart? how many dreams can you dream til your mind falls apart?
how many times can you dream of something before you have to start…
how many days does your mind spend spinning
what is the prize worth winning
what is the dream worth beginning
in a long lost conversation with a best friend at a bar or
standing on their front door step hating to say goodbye
what is the deepest dream inside you as you catch the twinkle in their eye
what is the dream that lives in your belly, forgotten
until it is shaken loose from raucous laughter?
what is that dream?
a song that always ends too soon
a hotel room with you on the moon
i feel the most alive in nature
i feel the most at peace looking at the stars
but that doesn’t mean i want to go to mars
you’re sweeping the kitchen
i’m dreaming in the shower
lost in thought
for as long as it takes to boil a teapot
i’ll only ever rush if it’s for perfect timing
if we ever go to venice it better not be virtually
i’ll never go to venice for the first time virtually
timestamp: 2024-10-27 10:37:13
so there
so gone
colliding
and dividing
system overriding
walking where reality
is separating
timestamp: 2024-09-17 20:47:02
this pain leaves you in a place where there is only the absence of your heart
your body, your home, a museum of your hearts greatest desires
who knew there were knives sharp enough to remove your heart
without leaving a trace
the pain is not for what it was
but what it was in moments
what it could be
most importantly
most painfully
what i was dreaming of
what i dream of
you are nothing to me now but a hot scar
searing and invisible
the flames lick the inside of my forehead
as my bowels fill with dread
an aching in the deepest parts a man possesses
the memory of your eyes in ecstasy beneath me
i die at the thought of every one of your dresses
magenta and silk that cannot be touched
a strap that slips off a shoulder
hair hanging as you reach down for high heels
us tumbling to the floor
lost between rugs from mardens
i shed my soul with every memory
a picture deleted
an empty frame
timestamp: 2024-09-17 18:36:17
love, the greatest of all forces
the greatest of all things
the only weapon against darkness
the heart’s way to fight against love, loss
the only thing demands itself
many fold in its own absence
the only thing that is the counter to its own counter
the only mission in god eyes
faith
the thing you have to let go of control of
to feel
timestamp: 2024-07-12 09:54:52
i’ve spent my entire life in utter disbelief
every moment has felt like a place just beyond reach
every time i kiss you, it is shockingly sweet
love will always obliterate me
timestamp: 2024-07-12 09:54:58
he was silly with despair
timestamp: 2024-06-28 21:55:49
in a world without punctuation
a . feels like a punch in the gut now
there’s a difference between
yes?
yes.
yes…
ok?
ok.
ok…
suit yourself
and
suit yourself.
i love you
and
i love you.
timestamp: 2024-06-30 19:52:45
i’m alive dreaming of going live
we all want to be that guy that got to try
a little less hard for a little bit more
than everyone else
call talent, call it luck
it certainly would be easier that way
but the truth in life is that you have to work a whole lot more than you think
for a little little bit less than you thought
and of course, when you love what got
then you found the magic recipe
timestamp: 2024-06-15 15:33:07
i stand upon a plane of melting stars
a man spends his life behind invisible bars
the pressure of the universe burns gasses, turned planets as a year passes
time can pass as nothing changes, everything can change in an instant
only between hearts can there be distance
i relinquish that my heart could stop at any time
a thousand stars burn in a nuclear chain reaction
just so this day can happen
everything we do in life is a chain reaction
timestamp: 2024-03-21 11:20:47
i could spend all day wondering what's my favorite picture of us
lose my place
and have to start all over again by the time we take the next one
timestamp: 2024-02-26 12:52:29
time evaporated
like clouds under direct sunlight
clouds falling down
never reach me
laying here
in the sand
timestamp: 2024-02-07 14:59:47
smiles like moonbeams beaming
in our eyes we realize
it’s just sunlight
alone at night
reflecting
timestamp: 2024-02-07 22:55:40
i love a night like tonight because we all just wanted to get along
i could look back and say all the things he did wrong but
he always loved her
love was his greatest weapon
only weapon
everyday he fought with all his heart
at night we close all tabs no matter what
and immediately start opening them again before the night is up
live stream the command line, git status, wtfuck
the website, the podcast, the show
that's why we live stream from winterport tomorrow night
i'll knock myself out again tonight
for the thousandth time
in the morning the sunlight will be so bright that i won't be able to open my eyes
shame is my best friend
the only one i tell everything to
maybe when i started lying to you is when i started losing you
you never asked me to
it's too trippy it's too alien it's too real
life is an endless reel
go full ai
love forever let love never die
start with a drum beat that says so-cal
get frustrated just to have your favorite song come back on shuffle
at the exact right time
sitting back chillin
chillin on a million dreams
everyone of them seems make believe
that’s alright with me
timestamp: 2024-01-04 19:05:08
the worst was when you would kiss me just deep enough to taste the booze
then pull away
fuck, try to stop drinking after that
the worst was when i saw you and you were just another girl
we weren’t in the same world anymore
the one where we were each others world
timestamp: 2023-12-27 19:47:22
your dreams
echo through all other realties
all constantly converging upon you
no matter how far away
what if the dreams that hide in the creases of your imagination
were within the reach of lifetimes
would you dare to dream them
timestamp: 2023-12-21 23:09:59
if you’re not going to fuck me to sleep then i won’t be able to sleep
i’ll have to do anything else to occupy my mind
write drink anything but think
paint game play the bass
it could turn into a night of torture if left to my own devices
so just fuck me into a dream of you that lasts all the way til tomorrow
timestamp: 2023-11-21 11:49:06
love and time
intertwined
love behind your bones
where silent words go
love of so many mornings
timestamp: 2023-10-25 09:13:47
the american life
forgot the american dream
or did the dream forget the life
imagine being happy with your wife
imagine loving her for what she was
not listening to the scream of a screen
that was only what wasn't
in the end you'll look back
and you'll have had what you had
still an ancient man
long gone ceasar was not
if fact, there wasn't one
there were thousands
closer to gods than any men before
but still far
only a happy man knows
that god is in his heart
no farther
and he can still smile
over a cup of coffee in the morning
and if he's really lucky a blow job
dog whining at the door
with netflix on the tv before work
he's old already
it used to be saved by the bell